I couldn’t believe what I had just read.
Did I just hear him say, or what I thought I heard him say when I first read it? Might it just be me misinterpreting it or perceiving it differently?
I read it a few more times.
I then read again the post that I had written a few months back. He sent me a message in response to that post. Where was he coming from? Why this kind of reaction?
I most certainly didn’t appreciate the tone of his message. Did I feel hurt? Was I angry? Absolutely! I am not going to deny it. And I most certainly am not going to conceal it.
I can only respect whatever feelings and opinions this person has over what I wrote in my post, what I shared about me and my journey, and how and why I am making my choices with regard to my past associations — which included him. He was a former colleague who was also a close friend.
However, I am not willing to simply be a basket case for his thoughts, feelings and opinions — or anyone else’s for that matter — especially when they’re unsolicited or uncalled for.
I want to love myself enough to not just keep quiet and take in all the words that he has written. I do not deserve the energy behind those words and whatever else energy was directed towards me — even if there was no intention to hurt or harm me, and even if, or especially more so if he was merely projecting his own issues. I most certainly do not deserve any of that. And no one does.
But, I know.
Don’t we do that to each other, most, if not all of the time? Project our issues to each other? Trigger each other’s issues?
Still, the fact remains, and my point is, the tone of his message didn’t sit well with me.
To begin with, I did not initiate our contact. He did. (Nananahimik ako sa sarili kong mundo. Ako ang binulabog; hindi ako ang nangbulabog.)
Whether it was “accidental” or he was really looking me up, or someone else asked him to look me up and send me a message, he was the one who was led to my site and account. I didn’t ask him to pay me a visit. In the one year that I’ve been on blogosphere and social media, people naturally and organically discovered my site and account. And I give them the right to choose to follow me or not.
Likewise, I too have every right to choose whose (facebook friend) requests I will accept. I have every right to whom and to what message I will respond or not, with no explanations necessary. Not everyone will agree with what I am posting and sharing. It is what it is. I cannot please everybody. I have no intention to.
However, I do expect no less than respect for my blog site, facebook account and page, and any other space, cyber or personal, that I have created and defined for myself. It doesn’t matter if the person was led to my site, or if I was the one who invited them to check it out. And it is the same respect that I extend to visitors, readers and followers.
Sure, this person is also entitled to his own opinions and feelings. It is everyone’s right.
Yet, I am not going to allow anyone to simply pass on to me — at their whim — whatever those feelings or opinions are, especially those that are not uplifting and those tainted with even the miniscule amount of lack of respect and negativity.
And I am not going to allow anyone to freely use my site and account to do so — even if my site or my posts were the ones that triggered those feelings and opinions. I am not willing to accept and receive any of that energy.
Conflicting thoughts ran through my head
After reading his message a number of times, I was getting pulled in opposite directions. What am I now going to do about it? Do I need to do something about it?
Do I simply ignore it and show him that I was not affected, that I was able to let it go like water sliding off a duck’s back, because that’s how “evolved” and “spiritual” I am?
I didn’t want to come across as combative. I didn’t want to offend him unnecessarily, but I also wasn’t at peace with merely keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself. It had been my habitual response when my personal space and boundaries were not respected. And it is a pattern that I am committed to break.
So, do I just keep my message short, sweet, and simple, and make it sound like it was coming from the “voice of an angel” with a Divinely-inspired message for him? Or do I stay in my truth, align with and speak my truth, and risk triggering something in him (again) and causing his ire (again)?
Then, it dawned on me.
People will always believe what they choose to believe.
No matter how carefully I choose my words, people will perceive what they want and how they want to. They will interpret through whatever filters they have, and with whatever level of consciousness they’re at. Just as I have my own interpretation, filters and perception.
I was dismissing myself and neglecting my own needs. Again.
I was giving more importance and priority to other people. Again. I was making their needs come first. Again.
Sure, there’s nothing wrong with being considerate of other people’s feelings, but not at the expense of neglecting my own.
Here I am, the offended party, whose personal space was invaded, and whose boundaries were not respected, yet, all I could think about was how to cushion the blow on the offender. Oh yes, the face of co-dependency was lurking once more! 🙂
Thankfully, without much success, because after much thought, reflection and prayer, and after consulting with a friend/spiritual counsellor, I eventually sent him my response to his message. I expressed what I truly felt and how hurt I was — in a loving and respectful way, and the best way I know how.
And speaking my truth, standing up for myself, asserting my right and setting boundaries are lessons that I haven’t quite mastered yet, but I’m getting there. This incident took me one step closer to get there. And I can only thank the Universe — and even this person — for that.
Even if I was hurting and feeling angry, I still made sure that I sent my message with much love and uplifting thoughts. I was hoping and praying that it would be received openly.
However, all of that is now totally up to the Universe. What matters is I did what the situation called for me to do — to grab the learning opportunity and take one of my life-long lessons a step closer to mastering it. I also made sure that I was led and guided by my Divine consciousness, especially in how I wrote my response.
Who would have thought that someone can learn and grow so much from what started as a seemingly uneventful, simple facebook friend request? It most certainly needed to come to the surface to help me gain more clarity.
I need to continue releasing and letting go of those energies that no longer serve me. Well, it wouldn’t be the period of eclipses if there weren’t any releasing and purging, or any ending of some sort. 🙂
Meantime, I will continue working towards healing and forgiving. I will continue working towards making peace with what was, what is and what isn’t — and what simply couldn’t be.
And I will add this to my yet-to-be-finished post about what I’ve learned from one year of blogging.
- A Facebook Friend Request and Message Turns To a Growth Opportunity (Part 1)
- Is It Who I Have Become or Who I Am Coming Back To?
- How To Deal With Attacking and Critical Energy From Others
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