I am unhappily residing in Manila, Philippines. This dilemma has been going on for two and a half years now. And yes, I finally felt moved to post about my situation. I’m hoping some of you may offer insights that will help me with this challenge that I’m facing. Oh yes, another major growth opportunity.
The tragedy that is Sandy which recently hit Eastern U. S. brought my dilemma on my radar screen again. It made my living condition issue more pronounced.
In early August, the Philippines faced a similar crisis. Close to two weeks of continuous rains rendered the majority of Metro Manila and nearby provinces flooded for days. It was a wake-up call. Again. (How many wake-up calls do my fellow countrymen need before they finally and truly wake up and mend their ways? Considering that in September 2009, the Philippines already experienced a similar crisis brought by typhoon Ondoy, international name “Ketsana”…)
There wasn’t any storm or typhoon. The rains were brought about by a southwest monsoon. Sure it was a month’s worth of rain that fell on Metro Manila within only a span of two weeks. But climate change can’t lay claim as the culprit of the flooding. Blame can’t be put on nature. Poor Mother Earth :-(. It was undoubtedly man-made — the effect of extreme urbanization and modernization.
Overpopulation. Improper waste management. Lack of and poor urban planning system. Illegal settlers in prohibited and unsafe places such as riverbanks and under the bridges, coupled with the local government authorities’ inability or refusal to evict them. Lack of discipline and uncaring ways of the people. Poverty. Lack of education. The fight for survival. Selfishness and self-serving motives. Greed.
The list goes on. And like with anything, it’s a domino effect. The disaster was brought about by the increasing and worsening problems that have plagued the Philippines for several decades.
Manila Bay spewed out to the streets all the garbage that the people have been dumping on her for decades. The water spirits surely had it. I could hear them utter out of sheer frustration and disgust. This is your garbage. Deal with it!
Similarly, Sandy was instrumental in turning up all the garbage that has been absorbed by the streets and were kept hidden in every corner of New York City.
Both situations may as well be symbolical of all the toxicity and misqualified energies that these two highly urbanized cities have accumulated in the etheric, astral, emotional and mental planes.
“Is it still safe to live in Manila?” A city mayor asked following the August disaster that befell Metro Manila. (Sorry, I can’t recall the name of the mayor. I also cannot locate the link to the source of this information. I think I heard it during a TV interview.)
The question then hit me home. And with the recent tragedy in New York, where is a safe place to live?
I no longer resonate with the energy of Manila. I no longer want to reside in this city — or any highly urbanized city for that matter.
I’ve been having this challenge of adjusting to residing in a place that I don’t resonate with. Co-existing with my fellow countrymen with whom I feel very little connection has been one of my toughest challenges. I’m like a stranger in my own country :-(.
The harsh and dense energy has just been too much for me to bear. The traffic, the pollution, too many people, too much consumerism and materialism, the stress level. The lifestyle is something I don’t relate with anymore.
I also no longer subscribe to the majority of the cultural beliefs and traditions of this country, including the teachings of Catholicism which is the Philippines’ predominant religion. I have, thankfully, unlearned the majority of the limiting religious and cultural beliefs of the Philippines.
In a nutshell, and without meaning to sound arrogant or insulting to the Filipinos, I have evolved and outgrown the majority of my fellow countrymen. My vibrational frequency level has been raised to such a point that it has become too painful and unbearable for me to be in and around a thing, place, person, or situation that is a vibrational mismatch.
I’ve actually been experiencing this feeling of disconnection for several years now.
When I left in 2006 for Northern California to pursue higher education, my preference and intention was not to come back to the Philippines. I already said then that I was done with this country. It was time for me to start a new chapter and build a new life in the United States.
My feeling of isolation from my countrymen has become magnified after I lived in the United States. Readjusting to living again in my country of origin has become a challenge to me so much more than adapting to the U.S. environment. In fact, there wasn’t much adjustment that I needed to do in the U.S. I felt so at home and accepted in the U.S. much more than in my own country. People in the U.S. even thought and assumed that I grew up there. It was so easy for me to immerse myself in the U.S. culture and lifestyle.
So, why did I come back and why am I here —still?
I’ve been asking myself the very same questions. And I had been patiently waiting for clarity and for the answers……for two and a half years now. And I have been getting some answers which I will share in future posts.
The best way to describe my situation is like someone who is in a relationship which is no longer healthy to be in. The relationship is reaching its expiration date soon. The relationship would eventually have served its purpose but not quite. Not yet anyway.
All I know for sure is that I will know when it is time. When it’s over, it’s over.
In the meantime, I am doing the best I can to cope. Researching and looking for answers. Spending a lot, and I mean a lot of time surfing the web and social media, to satisfy my need for connections. To find the tools and resources that will help keep me centered and grounded, not to mention manage my sanity and keep me less grouchy. 🙂
And I kid you not, much like being in an abusive relationship and preparing for the eventual “great escape” — something that is part of my “been there, done that” list — this phase in my journey isn’t exactly a walk in the park.
Related article – Signs That You’re Ready To Move Out Of The City
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