HELP! I’m unhappy where I’m residing….

I am unhappily residing in Manila, Philippines. This dilemma has been going on for two and a half years now. And yes, I finally felt moved to post about my situation. I’m hoping some of you may offer insights that will help me with this challenge that I’m facing. Oh yes, another major growth opportunity.

The tragedy that is Sandy which recently hit Eastern U. S. brought my dilemma on my radar screen again. It made my living condition issue more pronounced.

In early August, the Philippines faced a similar crisis. Close to two weeks of continuous rains rendered the majority of Metro Manila and nearby provinces flooded for days.  It was a wake-up call.  Again. (How many wake-up calls do my fellow countrymen need before they finally and truly wake up and mend their ways? Considering that in September 2009, the Philippines already experienced a similar crisis brought by typhoon Ondoy, international name “Ketsana”…)

Manila residents are evacuated from a suburb of Manila. Philippine authorities have appealed for help in getting relief to two million people affected by deadly floods in and around the capital. August 2012. Image by http://ph.news.yahoo.com/

There wasn’t any storm or typhoon.  The rains were brought about by a southwest monsoon.  Sure it was a month’s worth of rain that fell on Metro Manila within only a span of two weeks.  But climate change can’t lay claim as the culprit of the flooding.  Blame can’t be put on nature.  Poor Mother Earth :-(. It was undoubtedly man-made — the effect of extreme urbanization and modernization.

Overpopulation. Improper waste management. Lack of and poor urban planning system.  Illegal settlers in prohibited and unsafe places such as riverbanks and under the bridges, coupled with the local government authorities’ inability or refusal to evict them.  Lack of discipline and uncaring ways of the people.  Poverty.  Lack of education. The fight for survival.  Selfishness and self-serving motives. Greed.

The list goes on. And like with anything, it’s a domino effect.  The disaster was brought about by the increasing and worsening problems that have plagued the Philippines for several decades.

Manila Bay spewed out to the streets all the garbage that the people have been dumping on her for decades.  The water spirits surely had it.  I could hear them utter out of sheer frustration and disgust.  This is your garbage.  Deal with it!

Similarly, Sandy was instrumental in turning up all the garbage that has been absorbed by the streets and were kept hidden in every corner of New York City.

NEW YORK, NY – NOVEMBER 03: A dump truck empties trash collected from Superstorm Sandy damaged homes on November 3, 2012 in the Midland Beach neighborhood.
By: Andrew Burton © Getty Images
images.yahoo.com

Both situations may as well be symbolical of all the toxicity and misqualified energies that these two highly urbanized cities have accumulated in the etheric, astral, emotional and mental planes.

Is it still safe to live in Manila?” A city mayor asked following the August disaster that befell Metro Manila. (Sorry, I can’t recall the name of the mayor. I also cannot locate the link to the source of this information. I think I heard it during a TV interview.)

The question then hit me home. And with the recent tragedy in New York, where is a safe place to live?

I no longer resonate with the energy of Manila.  I no longer want to reside in this city — or any highly urbanized city for that matter.

I’ve been having this challenge of adjusting to residing in a place that I don’t resonate with.  Co-existing with my fellow countrymen with whom I feel very little connection has been one of my toughest challenges.  I’m like a stranger in my own country :-(.

The harsh and dense energy has just been too much for me to bear.  The traffic, the pollution, too many people, too much consumerism and materialism, the stress level.  The lifestyle is something I don’t relate with anymore.

I also no longer subscribe to the majority of the cultural beliefs and traditions of this country, including the teachings of Catholicism which is the Philippines’ predominant religion. I have, thankfully, unlearned the majority of the limiting religious and cultural beliefs of the Philippines.

In a nutshell, and without meaning to sound arrogant or insulting to the Filipinos, I have evolved and outgrown the majority of my fellow countrymen. My vibrational frequency level has been raised to such a point that it has become too painful and unbearable for me to be in and around a thing, place, person, or situation that is a vibrational mismatch.

I’ve actually been experiencing this feeling of disconnection for several years now.

When I left in 2006 for Northern California to pursue higher education, my preference and intention was not to come back to the Philippines. I already said then that I was done with this country.  It was time for me to start a new chapter and build a new life in the United States.

My feeling of isolation from my countrymen has become magnified after I lived in the United States. Readjusting to living again in my country of origin has become a challenge to me so much more than adapting to the U.S. environment. In fact, there wasn’t much adjustment that I needed to do in the U.S.  I felt so at home and accepted in the U.S. much more than in my own country. People in the U.S. even thought and assumed that I grew up there. It was so easy for me to immerse myself in the U.S. culture and lifestyle.

So, why did I come back and why am I here —still?

I’ve been asking myself the very same questions.  And I had been patiently waiting for clarity and for the answers……for two and a half years now.  And I have been getting some answers which I will share in future posts.

Perhaps, there’s a lesson or two I can learn from dog…… Image by http://www.reckonings.net

The best way to describe my situation is like someone who is in a relationship which is no longer healthy to be in.  The relationship is reaching its expiration date soon.  The relationship would eventually have served its purpose but not quite. Not yet anyway.

All I know for sure is that I will know when it is time. When it’s over, it’s over.

In the meantime, I am doing the best I can to cope. Researching and looking for answers.  Spending a lot, and I mean a lot of time surfing the web and social media, to satisfy my need for connections.  To find the tools and resources that will help keep me centered and grounded, not to mention manage my sanity and keep me less grouchy. 🙂

And I kid you not, much like being in an abusive relationship and preparing for the eventual “great escape” — something that is part of my “been there, done that” list —  this phase in my journey isn’t exactly a walk in the park.

Related article – Signs That You’re Ready To Move Out Of The City

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About NadineMarie (Aligning With Truth)

I find much joy & fulfillment in sharing my experiences & insights through writing & blogging. I created the site, ALIGNING WITH TRUTH as a virtual center for healing where I share my thoughts & reflections, as well as the tools & resources that are helping me as I move along the path of awakening & coming home to the Self. As I live in joy & align with Truth, I AM shining my Light which is how I contribute to the planetary & humanity ascension. Blessed be. Namaste...💗💖💜Nadine Marie💜💖💗
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18 Responses to HELP! I’m unhappy where I’m residing….

  1. Noel says:

    Nadine, it seems you have endured this for a long time. Sorry that you don’t feel connected to others around you. But at the same time, I also think you are evolving into a more inclusive, enlightened person who is discovering the true meaning of this life. I can identify with you in some way. Most of the people that surround me, here in north central Florida, live a stagnated live of customs, religion, and traditions. I see myself gradually distancing myself from all of this comfort. I don’t share the exact same values that most Christians have, for example. I don’t worship America as the “greatest country in the world” any more either. I don’t even think Christmas is enjoyable anymore because of all the consumerism and marketing that is fueled during these times. I hear you. I hope you find peace in the middle of the chaos. Don’t give up. Namaste.

    Like

    • Noel, thank you for your very kind words! Again, this is one of those moments that I am so thankful for the internet and the connections that I’m finding.

      Yes, it’s been quite a while. Sometimes, it feels like forever. And it’s not as if I hadn’t made efforts to explore changes with my living situation. And yes, life indeed is an on-going process of discovery.

      I don’t know if you recall but when I first started blogging and I came across you, you mentioned something about starting a spirituality group. I was very keen because of my situation.

      It truly is very comforting to hear someone in a similar situation. See, it’s bad enough that this is my situation. What has made it even more challenging is I didn’t get the support that I needed from those I was counting on. I was even made to feel wrong for what I’d been going through.

      Christmas. I hear you too. It is the biggest holiday in the Philippines. I can’t even begin to describe how crazy it gets during the season. And it starts as early as October. Back in the days, it started as early as September. Again, I’m so thankful it’s one of those festivals that I have outgrown. I’m no longer caught up in the craziness and frenzied by endless, useless and meaningless holiday shopping and partying!

      I keep holding on to my faith and trust that we all will eventually be led to our geographical homes on earth, where we can reside in and with a community of truly like-mindeds and kindred spirits. Yes Noel, in the meantime, I am doing my best to find peace in the chaos, knowing that all that’s happening is in Divine and perfect order and timing, that I am growing and learning, and there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Even if my current rainbow seems to be shaped like a roller-coaster! 🙂

      Thanks so much again Noel for sharing your thoughts and experiences and extending your love and support. Just what I so needed. And it truly meant a lot to me! And may you also be guided and led to where you truly feel you belong. We all deserve it and we need not settle for less. 🙂

      Blessings, Love & Light, Peace & Joy, Namaste.

      Like

  2. Dear Nadine,
    I think you’ve done it. While reading your blog, I realized that my heart and many others were praying and hoping for you. You’ve united a very strong group of people to send good thoughts and vibes. You’ve created a community of support. Now let’s see what happens with your extra power boast. Keep us in the loop.
    Blessings for a New Home,
    Brenda

    Like

    • Oh Brenda, your words truly uplifted me, thank you! 🙂 Thank you for giving me the strength that I need to fuel me as I move along in my path. Thank you for beaming your light towards my direction and boosting me with an extra shot of hope and courage. As I told Noel, this is one of those moments that I am ever grateful for the wonders of the internet! I am so thankful that we were led to each other. Your words, your work, your energy, your presence have sustained me during this really trying episode in my journey Brenda. Much, much appreciated. Yes, will keep everyone in the loop. 🙂 Much blessings to you Brenda, Peace & Joy, Love & Light, Namaste.

      Like

  3. heartflow2012 says:

    Good for you that you are getting clear about “where you are at” in your internal sense of alignment. Yes, if you are in a mis-match – and see it so clearly, something will show up – that has always been my experience. My blessings are with you!

    Like

    • Thank you Tomas for your words of reassurance. Yes, it’s all been about CLARITY and where I’m at is where I need to be. Someone once told me, “Do not give up, just before the miracle shows up.” 🙂 I think it was taken from 12-steps. And thank you for the reminder and reassurance. I am doing the best I could to stay afloat and simply allow (as opposed to forcing, which sometimes I have the tendency) the unfolding of the miracle. Thank you also for following my site Tomas. I’m thankful you were led to me as I am also now following your inspirational work! Much blessings to you too, Love & Light, Peace & Joy, Namaste.

      Like

  4. yogaleigh says:

    Sorry to hear of your discomfort. I too am living in a place that doesn’t feel quite right for me — not as seriously off as what you describe. Since there are reasons why I have to stay here for now I’ve worked hard at finding a way to hold my center and stay in peace regardless of what goes on around me and it has helped. For me things are getting better here. For you maybe that clear space will take you to a new location that will be better. The hard part, I find, is to hold that space wherein I attract what makes me happy when I’m living in circumstances I don’t care for.

    Like

    • “Sorry to hear of your discomfort.” I let those words bathe me with my much-needed healing and supportive energy, thank you Leigh! As I mentioned in my response to Noel, I was made to feel wrong by people whose support I was counting on, rather than offer me compassion. So to hear those words from you truly meant a lot to me.

      One of the tools also that has helped me tremendously is the work of Karen Bishop. Her book, “Stepping into the New Reality: Keys to Living in the New Energies” specifically talked extensively on what I’m going through, and the process that we all need to go through as we identify our geographical home on Earth. And I draw strength and guidance from her writings. I am where I am because it’s where I need to be and there are lessons (still) that being in this location is offering me to learn. It’s been a long and arduous yet essential process. Lessons. Lessons. Lessons. 🙂

      Thank you again Leigh for sharing your thoughts and experiences and giving me the reassurance and support that I need. Back at you and may you continue to find the peace in your present situation. Much Blessings to you, Peace & Joy, Love & Light, Namaste.

      Like

  5. Dear Nadine,
    I read this post on my Android some days back and I just couldn’t stop thinking about what you wrote. In many ways it was a reflection of some of my deepest thoughts and struggle. To find oneself in a place where it is spiritually dead is perhaps one of the most difficult things to bear. All the comforts and ease of life might cushion it for a while but deep down there is that gnawing feeling that you are living half a life. I just want to let you know that I understand. And this state of limbo can be quite stretching and it feels so dry inside which is sometimes made worse by those who do not understand.

    I wish you will come to a place within and without which is your true home. And when you arrive, you will know you are home. Keep us posted and I wish you a joy and an open heart to see even the beautiful lessons to strengthen and bless you now. Much love to you, Sharon

    Like

    • Oh my dear Sharon, thank you so much for the words of comfort, the support, understanding and compassion. For the love, thank you for the love! “I just want you to know that I understand.” That meant so much to me, thank you!

      Thank you for taking the time to reflect on my situation, extending yourself and holding the space for me. These are all what I need. I may not have gotten these from those I was counting on, but your words of love reminded me that miracles do come in unexpected ways and God indeed works in mysterious ways!

      “living half a life” — that hit home. And yet, I continue to hold on to my faith and trust the process. That I am here for a reason. Those reasons may not be what I want but they’re what I need.

      And I am also trusting and believing that I “will come to a place within and without which is my true home.” Soon I hope. Before I go completely nuts! 🙂

      Much love to you too Sharon. I so appreciate all that you’ve said (not only here but in the other posts as well). Namaste.

      Like

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