Playing Small – Why it took a long time for me to blog about my blogger awards

I have recently been nominated the Versatile Blogger Award by The London Flower Lover http://thelondonflowerlover.wordpress.com/.

This is actually my third blogger award nomination.  While I have thanked the bloggers personally for the nominations, I didn’t follow the rules in accepting the award/s.  Unlike with the rest of the other nominees and recipients who perhaps simply and quickly followed the process, my experience has in fact been more enlightening than usual.  It’s been quite insightful for me.  It was a growth opportunity.  It was deeply healing — much more than those who nominated me probably realize.

Before I follow the two other rules in accepting the award/s, ie, share things about myself and pass the award to other nominees, please allow me to explain why I didn’t immediately blog about it, and why I had gone back and forth with it.  This is not to “justify” what I did/didn’t do but to share my reflections and learning — the very essence and intention of my blog site.

Playing small:  A recurring theme

Playing small has been a recurring theme in my life.  Being nominated and recognized for my gift was therefore an opportunity for me to revisit that wounding, which I thought I had already healed from.  I was being nudged to once more transcend any remaining issues of self-worth and self-esteem.

When I first received the Versatile Blogger Award from The Poetic Invocation (http://poeticinvocation.wordpress.com/), on January 29, I was ecstatic and truly excited!  But as I was starting to compose my post to accept it and come up with other nominees and things about myself, not only did my Inner Critic grab the microphone, loudspeakers were installed!  Questions, fear-based thoughts and doubt started to creep into my awareness.

Wait a minute, but I’m not blogging in order to be awarded.  How important is this award anyway?  Is it necessary?  Does it make my work [blogging] more meaningful?

I even thought about not accepting it or any other future awards for that matter.  Yet, there was a part of me that was rejoicing, especially considering that I had just started blogging for only two months.

This is great!  Now more people can be led to my site.  I could reach out to more people and make a difference in more people’s lives.  The Universe heard and answered my prayer, yay!

I went back and forth with these conflicting thoughts.  Was I complicating something so simple?  Absolutely.  It is clear to me now that that’s what I was doing but it didn’t appear to be so back then.

As I was pulled in opposite directions, I told myself that I will act on it and write about it when I’m much clearer on what my stand is.  After all, when in doubt, don’t.  Meantime, I continued blogging until I had completely forgotten about this unfinished award issue.

A second award

Almost two months later, on March 20, I was nominated for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award by Creating Within http://creatingwithin.com/.

Of course, I was so happy to have been nominated once more!  I was also reminded of my first nomination that had been kept hanging.  I went into my inquiry process again to find out what’s holding me back.

The Dalai Lama – Recipient of 2012 Templeton Prize

Not long after, I came across a piece of news announcing that His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama was bestowed his award of the 2012 Templeton Prize.  I even tweeted about it on March 31.  I was being reminded to blog about my own awards.

As I watched The Dalai Lama’s acceptance speech, what caught my attention was when he said, “This award is your little recognition of my service to this field.  I am still a simple Buddhist monk after this award, no more, no less.  Of course more people may pay some attention about my talks, my thoughts, so in that sense, you are helping my effort.”

I so resonated with those words.  I knew it was the Universe’ way of validating me.  I was right about having the attitude that the award/s could help get my messages across to more people.

Yet again, at the same time, I was still being very careful that I wasn’t getting too caught up with the number of followers or readership.  As a dear friend once reiterated to me quite a while back, “Nadine, even if you’d made a difference only in one person’s life, you would have done your work.”  And I’ve kept those precious words in my conscious awareness as it can be very tempting to desire for more, and succumb to the [false] belief that “more is better.”

Still being unclear and doubtful, for yet another time, writing about my nominations took a back seat.

So when I recently received again this Versatile Blogger Award from The London Flower Lover, I made a vow that this time, I am no longer going to pass up this chance.  How many more nudges do I need?  What message am I giving the Universe when I “snub” the recognition given to my work?  If His Holiness The Dalai Lama himself could be humbled by awards, who am I to be snooty? 

False humility

I had realized that in my desire to be careful not to be boastful and full of myself, I was in fact diminishing the impact of my efforts.  I was practicing false humility.  I was dimming my own light.  I was not allowing my own light to shine.  And yes, I was playing small, for yet another time.

During my “unawakened” years, I was doing things because I wanted to prove myself.  My little Nadine had been seeking approval and appreciation.  I had been doing this unknowingly and unconsciously.

I thought I had already healed this part of me but these award nomination incidents brought it up to the surface once more for healing.

Yes, I have been clear that what motivates me to write is simply my desire to be able to help those who may be moved by what I am sharing.  I am not writing to prove anything.  I am done with my “proving days”.

But I also realized that while my intention is not to seek for appreciation or approval, there’s no reason for me to not accept or receive the recognition, especially when it is unsolicited and graciously given.  You know how some people say so many things other than a simple, “Thank you” when you give them a compliment?  Well, I realized that’s exactly what I did.

A Simple “Thank You”

So, I am truly honored by these awards, THANK YOU!!!  And I am grateful not only for the recognition of my work but for the transformation that has taken place.  I am deeply humbled.  Thank you for being instruments for my healing.  We really just never know how we touch people’s lives.  And we are indeed teachers and students to each other, and every encounter always carries a message.

7 Things About Me and List of Nominees

And to complete the awarding process, here are the 7 things about me and the list of my nominees.

Seven things about me:

  1. I am a highly sensitive person.  Studies show that there’s about 20 to 25% of the world population that are highly sensitive. Check this out if you want to know more. http://www.hsperson.com/pages/hsp.htm
  2. I love the smell and taste of coffee but caffeine gives me palpitations (even decaf)
  3. I love being in the water and I miss being in the water… 😦
  4. I miss salsa dancing and California, and salsa dancing in California… 😦
  5. I am forever grateful to whoever discovered dark chocolate! 🙂
  6. I stand 4 ft 8 ½ inches.  Yes, there’s no typo error there.  4 ft 8 ½ inches.  Do not forget the ½.  It’s a mortal sin! In the Catholic Church, you’ll have to go to the Pope to be forgiven, otherwise, you’ll be in eternal damnation in hell! 😉
  7. My great-grandfather is Irish who stood 6 ft 4 inches.  I’ve always wondered what happened to me?  Well, I did inherit the 4, in reverse order though.  Apart from that, my great-grandfather married a very petite woman from the Philippines’ Tausug tribe, a native warrior tribe in the south, known for their brevity and courage.  I didn’t have the chance to meet any of my great grandparents but I’ve been told that my great-grandmother and I look so alike — in features, color of skin, size, height.  An astrologer even recently told me that I am the embodiment of my great-grandmother! 🙂

And for my nominees, here are my lists.  May you be inspired and moved as much as I have been.

For the Versatile Blogger Award, I nominate the following ten bloggers:

http://andrealeber.com/

http://deniselefay.wordpress.com

http://infinite-love-blog.com/

http://jeanraffa.wordpress.com/

http://lifetapestrycreations.wordpress.com/

http://mindexpanding.wordpress.com/

http://newlightawakening.wordpress.com/

http://photonatureblog.com/

http://thenewhumanityisnow.com/introduction/

http://responsiveuniverse.wordpress.com/

I also recently discovered a blog about the Versatile Blogger Award.  Here’s the link http://versatilebloggeraward.wordpress.com/about/  You may want to include your own link and have your site included in the blogroll of Versatile Blogger Awardees.

For the Very Inspiring Blogger Award, I nominate the following seven bloggers:

http://authenticalling.com/

http://beyondthecall.wordpress.com/

http://www.christinehoeflich.com/

http://evokingthedeep.wordpress.com/

http://oneworldrising.wordpress.com/

http://secretlifeofamanhattancallgirl.wordpress.com/

http://visionarygoddess.wordpress.com/

For these nominees, your next steps are:

1.  Say seven things about yourself

2.  Nominate other bloggers – 10 for the Versatile Blogger Award and 7 for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award

In closing, this is the most opportune time to also thank the visitors, subscribers, and readers who “like” my posts, silently or otherwise.  It makes my day each time I see that orange button light up in the upper right corner of my screen, and there’s a “like” or a comment on my post. I see that as a validation from the Universe that I am on the right track.

God is truly always speaking to us.  When I get a nudge from Spirit to write about something, I am heartened to see “like’s” and comments on my posts.  It is God speaking to me through you.  It is a validation that I listened to my inner voice and that I wrote about something that someone needed to hear.  I’ve done my work and the purpose of my site has been served.

Thank you for these awards and thank you for your visits.  I am so blessed and loved.  Back at you!  Much, much blessings to all, love and light, namaste….….♥NM

PS.  By the way, part of my 2012/New Moon/Chinese New Year wish/intention that I blogged about in January finally materialized.  I now have facebook & twitter accounts! 🙂 Do like and follow me please, thanks! www.facebook.com/AligningWithTruth  www.twitter.com/aligningtruth 

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Copyright © 2011-2012 Nadine Marie V. Niguidula, M.A. and Aligning With Truth

Aligning With Truth is also on twitter and facebook.

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About NadineMarie (Aligning With Truth)

I find much joy & fulfillment in sharing my experiences & insights through writing & blogging. I created the site, ALIGNING WITH TRUTH as a virtual center for healing, where I share my thoughts and reflections, as well as the tools & resources that are helping me as I move along the path of awakening & coming home to the Self. As I live in joy & align with Truth, I AM shining my light which is how I contribute to the planetary & humanity ascension. Blessed be. Namaste...♥♥♥Nadine Marie♥♥♥
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2 Responses to Playing Small – Why it took a long time for me to blog about my blogger awards

  1. Hi Nadine! Thank you for your nomination of my blog! I will work on my lists. 🙂 So tell me, where are you when you’re not in California?? Christine in California

    Like

    • Hey Christine, you’re most welcome. It’s much deserved.
      I’m currently in Manila, Philippines and I so miss the energy of Cali. When I saw your profile that you’re in SF Bay Area, it was so “in your face”. 🙂 I lived in the Bay Area too (East Bay)!

      Like

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